🔗 Share this article

This year marks a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Generation Z, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive glossary to the terms gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

---

The Letter A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reply is engaged or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal habits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions confirm your decision to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately kill any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {